Originally published in 2013, updated for Beyond Limits Education.
Introduction
This article is part of the Growth and Balance Series, a collection of personal reflections on navigating ambition, mindset, and self-awareness. In this reflection, I examine the internal tug-of-war between ego and flow and the simple tools, like smiling and perspective shifts, that help foster balance in both training and daily life.
The Ego Shows Up with a Coconut
I was three weeks into my Iron Palm Level 1 Procedure, riding the wave of new sensations during meditation and noticing progress in my strikes. Then came my first coconut break attempt—except I brought the wrong coconuts. Instead of the softer “white” coconuts my instructor meant, I showed up with hard coconuts, blissfully unaware. Cue the laughter.
Part of me, the soul surfer, laughed right along, taking it in stride. The ego, however, was quick to get frustrated. Faced with the much harder brown coconuts, the ego tantrum kicked in: “Failure isn’t an option.” My strikes became frantic. I forgot technique. My focus shifted from flow to force.
Lesson from the Sifu
My instructor reminded me of a simple but powerful principle: “If you look for results, you won’t find them. Focus on the process, and results will come.” It was a reset moment. I realized how easily the ego sabotages progress by obsessing over outcomes.
The Psychology of Smiling
Around this time, I was also reading Prime Ski Racing: Triumph of the Racer’s Mind by Jim Taylor. One insight stuck: smiling isn’t just a reaction; it can influence performance. Smiling triggers “feel-good” chemicals in the brain, easing tension and shifting attitude.
At my next martial arts test, I caught myself scowling in the mirror. I smiled intentionally, felt my body relax, and shifted back to flow. The result? I performed with greater ease and joy and earned my stripe.
From Soul Surfer to Everyday Life
This experience wasn’t just about martial arts or coconut breaking. It was a lesson in awareness. Recognizing when ego hijacks the moment and having tools, like smiling and humor, to reclaim flow.
In any challenging environment, whether in the classroom, on an ambulance, or in life’s unexpected waves, this mindset shift remains one of the most valuable lessons:
“If you look for results, you won’t find them. Focus on the process, and the results will come.” – Sifu Dennis
Final Reflection
A quote I return to often says it best:
“In life, you find that one of the most desirable qualities you can find in a person is flexibility. The ability to change with changing times, to face adversity with the same attitude one would have in facing victory.” — A Guide To A Happy Life
As we work to cultivate more soul surfer energy—embracing flow, flexibility, and lightness—we also build resilience for the challenges that inevitably arise.
In Part 4: Are We Paying Attention? of the Growth and Balance Series, I explore the specific lessons adversity has taught me about self-care, reflection, and staying grounded through life’s twists and turns.
Author: Brigitte Denton (Founder of Beyond Limits Education)
Acknowledgement: This article was reviewed and refined with the assistance of OpenAI’s GPT-4, complementing the human editorial process. Header and supporting images were generated using AI tools (OpenAI image generation) and customized for use by Beyond Limits Education.
